Happily ever after with ONE true love? Not likely….

Perhaps it is only because society has ingrained the importance of fidelity that it is so important to women, and most men. However, science and nature seem to have difference ideas about the human state. Mainly, that being of whether men really are built to be monogamous creatures or not.

First, let us rule out the most ridiculous argument: that when God made Adam, he only gave him Eve, not a harem of Eve, Ava and Edie. Therefore, we can conclude that men and women should be committed to only one partner. The rest of the bible has a very different idea. As does science. To rush over the bible differences: Abraham cheated on his wife Rachel with her slave Leah, in order to get her pregnant, and give Rachel the baby. This not only covers adultery, but also slavery, most likely rape, and child abduction. Moving on, David himself had two wives, and Joseph, of the technicolored dreamcoat, was his father’s favourite, as his mother was his father’s favourite wife. More reliable sources may now be discussed.

First due to the release of bleurghfancyscience term it is acknowledged that women release 10 times more hormones after sex than men. This is a genuine fact, which means that when men complain that women put more emotion into sex than they do, they are absolutely right. Though it is our biology, and we literally have no control over those crazy post-coital emotions that sabotage our brains.

Sociologically speaking, men were the hunter gatherers. Their lives were risked in the daily hunt for sustenance. This moved on, until men became soldiers. They were sent away to war, and once again their lives were at risk. Historically, there wasn’t much a woman could do to fend for herself other than take a husband. But if a large chunk of men have been killed by the wild boar they were hunting, or whatever army they were fighting, there would be a definite shortage. This would mean that the sensible course of action, as it cannot be argued that until relatively recent history women would struggle to support themselves, would be for a man to be able to take more than one wife. Due to the natural shortage of men through the spheres of gender separation, women would need a protector, and that protector would traditionally take the form of a husband.

Biologically, there is a 51% of producing a girl, and a 49% chance of producing a boy. In the scale of the world, this would mean that there are, approximately, 140 million more women in the world than men. This is quite a significant difference, and does again prompt the question of whether it would make more sense for men to have more than one wife, in order to make sure everybody is provided for. For example, there are currently 10 million more women than men in Russia, which is not a country that hosts an abundance of jobs or career options. A lot of women will be living in poverty.

Many studies have shown that men are aroused visually, while women use their imaginations. Meaning, a woman can be happy with an older man, while the standard ‘trade in for a younger model’ middle aged men tend to practice, actually comes from their ingrained sexual impulses. This age normally collaborates with menopause, showing once again the biological impulse to mate. A woman is most attractive to a man during ovulation, and fertility is a factor men consider subconsciously.

Despite all of this, society, or biology, or religion, have all made a distinct enough impression that I would never consider anything less than absolute monogamy and fidelity, nor would most women I know. Sorry fellas.

 

Beauty

Is beauty a matter of snobbery?

For centuries the standard of what makes someone beautiful has changed, at least for women. Men who are tall, brawny and have a decent head of hair, always seem to be in fashion. But for women, what is considered beautiful has been turned on its head in just about every sense, but does it all come down to snobbery?

To start, historically, unmarried women did not wear make up. It was natural beauty or nothing ladies, I’m afraid. Pinch your cheeks and bite your lips for a bit of colour, and that’s pretty much all you had to work with. And from that point, I think we can all think of those friends who are stunning, once their make-up is on, but without it, are little more than plain. So already, a woman who by today’s standards would be beautiful would not have been seen so before. However the theory of snobbery can still apply. In the past, high cheekbones were a sign of good breeding and aristocracy, but even today women tend to show their wealth on their faces. Hollywood smiles are considered beautiful, though it’s clear they are expensive if they’re done well. Eyebrows are professionally waxed, false eyelashes are common, and most women tend to splurge a little on good makeup. All of which are signs of wealth that we display on our faces as they fit the new standard of beauty.

Next there is skin colour. The perception that pale and milky skin was beautiful came from the snobbery that ladies would not have to work outside, or ever be really exposed to the elements. Pale skin was a sign of wealth and delicateness. Now however, a tan is more expressive of wealth as it shows the ability to afford a holiday somewhere hot, and while the Elizabethan method of applying arsenic to one’s face in order to make it paler may be drastic, most of us can agree that fake tan smells bad and can go very wrong in application. It seems we will always want to alter our complexions to fit into what is fashionable, despite the negative effects. And it will always be to conform to whatever is considered the most expensive course of action. In the old days, only a woman of great wealth could afford a maid whose sole job was to hold a parasol over her employer, and everybody tried to match themselves to that standard. It was coarse and unladylike to work or spend too much time unprotected outdoors, therefore the paler the better. Now, however obvious it may be to the contrary, we seem to constantly look like we’ve just returned from two weeks in Marbella. A deep tan, particularly over the legs seems to be the most desirable complexion, despite how false the tan looks.

In the past, having smooth skin, and only a few wrinkles or grey hairs showed the ability to buy skin lotions, and to have led a delicate and ladylike life, with no stress or exertion, as would befit a wealthy young lady. Now, most women seem to assess that aging well requires surgery of some sort, and a staggering amount of young people seem to agree. From boob jobs to botox, what we do to fight youth becomes more and more expensive, to the point that a face may become plastic and distorted, but it will clearly be very expensively plastic.

Most important of all to most women is their figure. In the past, child-bearing hips were needed to produce an heir, and a little plumpness was assurance of wealth, that you could afford a rich and luxurious diet. That all changed, and became the smaller the better. This is once again a sign of wealth, flaunted by being able to afford personal trainers, gym memberships and fresh or organic food. And now, cheaper food is generally more fattening, so to be thinner would show you are not in such dire straits as to have to eat packet food or frozen pizzas.

The phrase is ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’ The stark reality is, that the beholder is most likely your bank manager.

Men Should Read

Ok, I’m not being funny, but the sex scenes in most romance/erotics noels aimed at women, are very much from the female point of view. Building on this, I strongly advise every girl to give her man a copy of a Sylvia Day or equivalent novel, for any guy wanting tips to please his girl should find them right there. The amount of inches (oo-er) per book spent on nipples and oral sex far outweighs blow jobs and penetration. This is what we like to read about….so I believe I can make a fair assumption  in saying this is what tickles or pickle. If you’re shy, or self conscious, simply buy a paper back, download to his kindle, or even read aloud to your man – consider this the first step in a campaign of creating reality from fiction. There is a well known adage of life imitating fiction – and that doesn’t sound like such a bad thing if it means some serious satisfaction between the sheets.

As children, we are taught to share, and help those who need it. So, let’s help guys out and share or books. It’s the polite thing to do.

Book Review – Beauty from Pain by Georgia Cates

The beautiful cover photo for Beauty from Pain.

I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed this book. I must admit, I wasn’t completely turned on by the whole Aussie idea….but I was pleasantly surprised. the first thing I have to mention about this book was the playlist at the end – the music featured, or just that the author had clearly been listening to to describe certain scenarios. It was such a brilliant idea to include this, as without doubt, music makes us feel more than any other media, so you really got inside the emotions of the book, and what the author and characters were feeling. So, points for Ms. Cates.

The second thing I loved was that Laurely, our leading lady, was actually likeable, and a pretty solid leading lady. It’s hard to present someone strong and feisty while they’re still sweet and likeable.

So, the basic plot is that Jack MacLachlan, is a super rich, vineyard owning Australian, who enters no-nonsense, no emotions, no names pseudo-relationships with women. They get a good time, great sex, but no questions, and no contact once it’s over. He sees Laurelyn, and immediately targets her as his next target – and Laurelyn agrees.

But don’t get judgey on Laurelyn. She’s only in Australia for three months, has just got out of a really bad relationship, and decides that jack is hot, she wants him, so to hell with it, lt’s go. She does take some convincing, but then I totally get her reasoning. I mean, let’s remember the number one regret of dying people is that they worried too much about what other people would think reather than just doing what they want. Laurelyn decides to forget what she should or shouldn’t do, and does what she wants. respect. it’s all the more understandable because she is only in Australia for three months – so a long term relationship would be out of the question.

And so continues our novel….expect great sex, some emotion, drama, and a whole load of Aussie slang. And, let’s just see if they really can say goodbye after three short months together.

Happy Reading!

P.S. The sequel, beauty from surrender is now available 😀

Let’s get specific – Medieval: Vikings

So I recently posted about how medieval romance, and the medieval manbeasts that go with it were my current flavour. I now feel the need to revise and specifiy this statement – oh lordy, it’s all about the Viking this month. And this surpries me. Genuinely, it does. For a start, blondes do not work for me at all. Give me blue black hair any day of the week. Second, in general these Viking books normally contain at least one rapey scene, which does not work for me. But on the other hand, having left Paris, which I have t say was full to the brim of lanky, greasy, stinking of smoke, pretensious man-children. So bring on some huge fighting raiders, as I have sorely missed any testosterone outbursts. So I must admit, I am immensley enjoying my imaginary relationships with the most chauvinistic, mysoginistic, objectifying characters, I could possibly find. And I’ll deal with feminist me later.

For Viking reads, I have recently read and enjoyed:

Loki‘s Daughters by Delle Jacobs

Savagery by Emma MacKenzie

Hearts Aflame by Johanna Lindsey

Fires of Winter by Johanna Lindsey

Hearts on Fire by Johanna Lindsey

Cedi to my Heart by Johanna Lindsey

Book Review – On Dublin Street

I must admit I have a weakness for anything set in my beloved city of Edinburgh. I lived there for two years, and am epically excited to move back there. It’s an old, winding, cobbly, beautiful city wherethe past is still living and breathing in the old stone buildings, castle, winding alleyways and short cuts. I’m moving back soon, and therefore fell completely in love with ‘On Dublin Street’ by Samantha Young. From the first mention of Bruntsfield Evangelical Church, and the leading male with a Scots accent, I was hooked.

But, now to the book, and the real reasons it is worth reading, that don’t relate to my own whimsical fancies. First, as per usual in contemporary romance novels, the leading characters are a little messed up. However, contrary to many books of a similar genre, they have reasons. Not everyone suffers savage abuse such as the characters in Bared to You, and most people can handle divorce, unlike Brynne in Naked. But, sometimes, shit happens. Cue orphan ‘Joss’ Jocelyn, who lost her parents and younger sister in  a car accident when she was fourteen, then her best friend a year later. As can be expected she has serious attachment issues, and is scared of getting close to anyone, particularly guys. I get her character, and I completely understand how her past shaped and changed her into what she now is. 

Braden, our lead man however, I don’t get. He describes his mother as being beautiful, selfish and a gold digger. He then proceeds to date a string of women who are exactly like her. I do not understand this. At all. Thankfully our wee Joss is a whole other kettle of fish, and

 actually really cares about him. Though she will go no further than admitting to wanting him and agreeing to an exclusive sexual relationship for three months. you.’ Sooo not inspiring respect there. 

But anyway, they agree to this relationship, which so obviously turns into so much more….but the question is: Can Joss admit her feelings and risk caring about someone when it hurts so much to lose them?

The Story of O…Oh…Ooooooh

Currently living in France, a French friend recently informed me that Fifty Shades of Grey was child’s play compared to French novels, and that if I wanted to better understand BDSM, novels that try and involve romance alongside it, and the reasons people enter into such relationships, I should read classic French tale ‘The Story of O,’  (L’Histoire d’O).She also gave me Emmanuelle, which I confess,  have not yet dared to open.

Second confession – I haven’t actually finished The Story of O. Nor can I honestly say I intend to. O is a successful, attractive young woman, in love with a man named Rene. She agrees to be taken to a chateau on the outskirts of Paris, where she is aware she will be subjected to the fetishes of Rene’s friends. And of fetishes, they have many. Within moments of arriving there, she is blindfolded, and as far as I can make out, raped, every which way possible. She is kept there, before Rene eventually takes her away, and gives her to his friend, Sir Stephen.

I genuinely think I could be down with this sort of thing, if it wasn’t for the constant reminder that O only did it because she loved Rene. She didn’t express any joy at the things done to her, nor does she consent out of any regard for her own pleasure. I think that was my main barrier here. That, and they kept asking her to consent to something before telling her what it was. This was actually where I stopped reading…a big fat labia piercing with a tag on. It sounded beyond painful, and the squeamish side of me that I try to hide came out in force. No freakin’ way could I read it.

All in all, it was an interesting foray into the world of BDSM. For anyone who thinks they may or may not be inclined that way, it is definitely worth a read, even just to better outline a person’s limits.

As previously said, I must conclude that if at any point O had revealed that she liked, enjoyed or even relished any of the things done to her, I may have gained more from the book. But to me, it seemed clear that these activities are better suited to two people of the same persuasion – both partners should be getting pleasure. It shouldn’t be one, man or woman,  doing whatever they deem necessary to make their partner happy, and their partner making demands that don’t consider the feelings of the submissive. In truth, it will be a while before I adequately brace myself for Emmanuelle.

Beautiful Words of Love

A quote from Howard’s End by E.M. Forster:

The disturbance that takes place in the world’s waters, when Love, who seems so tiny a pebble, slips in. Whom does Love concern beyond the beloved and the lover? Yet his impact deluges a hundred shores. No doubt the disturbance is really the spirit of the generations, welcoming the new generation, and chafing against the ultimate Fate, who holds all the seas in the palm of her hand. But Love cannot understand this. He cannot comprehend another’s infinity; he is conscious only of his own–flying sunbeam, falling rose, pebble that asks for one quiet plunge below the fretting interplay of space and time. He knows that he will survive at the end of things, and be gathered by Fate as a jewel from the slime, and be handed with admiration round the assembly of the gods. “Men did produce this,” they will say, and, saying, they will give men immortality

This is one of the most beautiful passages on love I have ever read, and one of the reasons I love old books. I struggle to find modern texts with the same intensity and passion, with deep, soul bearing and unbreakable affection. In an era where sex is easily confused for love, gifts for attention, and money for attraction, it is nice to be reminded of the real thing. It exists, and it is out there, as clearly as words on a page.

It is worth waiting for, it is the reason for poetry and music and art and most of the beautiful things in the world. Just because we can’t see it, and maybe have not yet felt it, do not give up hope that it is out there, waiting in the shadows to be found.

Hot Right Now – Medieval Romance

The only scratch to my current itch seems to be medieval romance. it is without doubt trumping regency and contemporary tales for me at the moment, and though I am attempting to refrain from psychoanalysing my new found fancy for big brutish men, I cannot deny that I have been enjoying them of late. (Cheeky smile). So this post is basically about why medieval romance is awesome.

First, though it goes against my feminist grain to say so – the women are genuinely damsels in distress, and in the best cases, more than willing to scrap to save themselves. Because of the medieval context, this works for me, as women did have little to no rights those days, and it would have been nigh on impossible to do anything without the help of a man. Contrast this to the simpers and wimpers of contemporary romance, and for me, it’s decidedly preferable. When I read about some helpless ninny in contemporary romance, Gabriel’s Inferno, for example, I am irritated, annoyed, and instantly dislike her. In modern times, a woman does absolutely not need a man to run in and save her, she has everything she needs to save herself. Medieval women did not, and so I find the whole ‘hero swoops in and saves her’ story more believable, and the characters more realistic.

Second, without doubt, is that the Earls and Lords of Regency romance tales are boring me. They don’t work, and have no more stress in their lives than an overbearing mother who wants them married, and the pressure of inheriting a huge estate worth millions. So difficult. So stressful. Nobody would change places with guy in that position right? But, enter the medieval knights, and they actually do stuff. They wield swords and fight battles and build cannons etc. Clearly, I can see that the crusades were an unfounded, pointless war in a country that had nothing to do with England. But I watched Robin Hood far too much as a child to dislike the Knights who fought in the crusades. They’re ‘proper men’ if you pardon the simplicity.

I know that as a modern woman I should not enjoy reading about big old ‘he-men’ who either shoot, eat or marry whatever crosses their path….but I do. In fantasy, despite what my brain tries to think, medieval times are the perfect setting. A woman can be helpless and need a man without being pathetic or weak. It is simply a fact. And a man can be an overbearing brute, but merely a sign of the times, and so long as he exposes a softer side, everybody does seem to be happier.

From what I can tell, there is very much a reason why women still refer to a ‘Knight in Shinign Armour’ coming to sweep them off their feet.

Cut the Crap – Honesty in Romance

My mistress‘ eyes are nothing like the sun
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Sonnet 130 by William Shakespeare is  without doubt my favourite of his sonnets. I know he wrote it satirically, hoping to do nothing more than mock the predictable passions of courtly love that were being spouted with regularity, however, I actually think there is something lovely about it. Most girls are very much aware that their eyes aren’t really bluer than sapphires, that silk is softer than their hair, and that their lips aren’t really like roses. It all sounds very pretty to hear, but it seems to lack anything remotely genuine or personal – it’s the sort of thing a guy could say to any girl, any where. It might make us feel lovely for a few minutes, but it hasn’t got any lasting value – they’re just pretty words. But this, acknowledging her faults, listing the many aspects of nature that she can’t measure up to, and then accepting her and his love for her – it’s real. It’s him saying he knows exactly who she is, and that he loves her for that. It’s a love that can be counted on because it is based on really people, not imagery and poetry. As Mark Darcy said to Bridget Jones ‘I like you. Just the way you are.’ Having previously described her as smoking like a chimney, drinking like a fish, and dressing like her mother, we know that he is aware that ‘just the way she is is’ far from perfect. But he loves her anyway.

I think that given the choice, most girls would choose someone who saw them, saw their faults, the cracks, the missing pieces and parts that make-up won’t cover, and loved them anyway, than to have someone who waxed lyrical about their beauty, but couldn’t accept their faults and weaknesses. Being loved for exactly who you are most certainly trumps being told nice words about beauty.